Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
