I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
