I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Randomize
