I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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