So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
