i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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