I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
