You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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