I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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