you turned your livingroom into a bong?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
