Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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