you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
