I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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