this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
