We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
