I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize