so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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