Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
