that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
