He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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