Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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