Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
