dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
