there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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