are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
