I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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