nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
