On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Welp...herpes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
