did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
not ubering you a puppy
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
