someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
