i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
