My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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