The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
