My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
