Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
