I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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