just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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