The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
