Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
