I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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