The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
