spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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