I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize