john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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