remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
