at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
