Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
