we're blogging at a bar
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
