You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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