can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
