I think im going to throw up on grandma
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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