He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
