garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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