The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
