This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
