So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
