why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
