Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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