I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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