she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
