everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
