College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
A bitchslap is in order.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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