Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
