yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Blood and glitter go together right?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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