I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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