"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Found your dick twin last night
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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