why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
