...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize