Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
